The Reason Kids Misbehave

Okay...I will first say that I am not so arrogant as to think that I can identify the single reason why kids misbehave...as my title might suggest...and I don't even know ALL the reasons kids misbehave. However, I do believe that sometimes we forget that we control some of the factors that impact our children's behavior.

When I have a child who is acting out of control, I often will go through a "check list". Is my child:
#1 - Thirsty?
#2 - Hungry?
#3 - Tired?

It was with Natasha that I really recognized the importance of water in a child's life. She needed more water than any of my other kids as a toddler, and it took me a while to figure it out! Once I did, however, it was amazing to me how much better she cooperated once she got the fluids she needed.

Hunger. I know that even for me, when I start to feel hungry, I can get really cranky really quickly! Therefore, I try to feed my little ones regular snacks, and if they start to act out that is the second thing I try to help them. I also try really hard to only feed my kids healthy snacks when they are hungry, and save sweet snacks for special treats or desserts. If a child is acting out because they are hungry, and then you feed them a sugar filled processed snack, you are just asking for them to have more uncontrolled energy! I like to give fruit, cheese, yogurt, crackers & cheese, or similar items. And believe it or not...for a movie snack...my kids love frozen peas and corn!

And finally exhaustion. Our kids need far more sleep than we may realize, and if they don't get that sleep they have a much more difficult time functioning. Here is a sample chart of how much sleep kids need from www.sleepforkids.org.

Age	Hours Of Sleep
0 - 2 months	10.5 - 18
2 - 12 months	14 - 15
1 - 3 years	12 - 14
3 - 5 years	11 - 13
5 - 12 years	10 - 11

I know for my kids, if they start getting less sleep than they need they start fighting more, become uncooperative, and in the case of toddlers...whine all the time!

I know that there are more factors that can impact a child's behavior, however, these are the top three that I try to address if my child is uncharacteristically out of control. If I can keep these under control, then my girls tend to be well behaved. Well...sometimes anyway. ;)

A Visible Reward!

I have been raising, teaching, redirecting and discipling children for 11 years now. I will be the first to admit that I have had days (and STILL have days) where I feel like..."Does this EVER end?!?!" However, I strongly believe that the first few years of a child's life is truly the most important and determines how the preteen and teen years will go...so I keep chugging along.

I am so happy to say, that last night, Wayne and I experienced a wonderful reward for our deliberate efforts in raising our girls. After getting the toddler and baby in bed...we spontaneously went our to dinner! We left our oldest in charge, told her when to make sure everyone else was in bed and then just left. It was so LIBERATING! And when we came home...everyone was sound asleep! It felt so good to not have to worry about what was going on at home, and to feel confident that they would be in bed and asleep when we got home.

I think I am really going to LOVE having a live in babysitter!!!!!

Bribery...Sometimes it's a Good Thing!

I try really hard not to bribe my children. With some chores and tasks that I ask them to do, I expect them to do it with no other reward other than personal satisfaction. There are times, however, when bribery is just what a child needs.

For example...changing poopy diapers. Nobody on this planet enjoys dealing with the excrement of another human being...however...it has to be done. Although my 9 year old will happily take on the task, my 11 year old fights it with every power in her being. As it so happens, my 11 year old just got her babysitters license so she really needs to learn to do this. Is that motivation enough for her? Not a chance.

So we were in a store the other day. They had these toy cat figurines on sale (a whopping $0.50 each) and she asked me if she could get them. She didn't have any money of her own so I asked her how she could earn them. After she listed some chores she is required to do, and I rejected them, she finally said "Change poopy diapers?!". I immediately said "YES!" and clarified that each cat represented a poopy diaper. I half expected her to change her mind and put the cats back, but happily, she has already changed her 1st poopy diaper! Was it torture for her? Yes. You should see how terrified she is of the task. Was it torture for me? Yes. Having to stand to the side, verbally guiding her without actually helping was terribly difficult for me. However…she survived…I survived…and we will do it all over again. I am really, really, really hoping that by the time she earns cat #7, she will be confident in the task!

Side Note:

After Wayne read this post, he shared a quote that his mother would say when he and his siblings would tease her for “bribing” them. It goes like this, “It’s only bribery if you are trying to get a child to do something they aren’t supposed to do. Otherwise, it’s an incentive!”

Sweet! A valid reason to continue “incentiving” my children! (And yes…I did just invent that word).

Two Different Methods

There is no denying it...Mothers and Fathers are different. When it comes to their children, they play differently, teach differently, discipline differently, and respond differently. Sometimes those differences are fantastic...and other times....I'm not so sure. I'll let you be the judge of this one.

Task: To train Olivia (2 years old) to hold our hand while crossing the street or while in a parking lot.

Mother's Way
Each time Olivia and I would be faced with either of these situation, I would say, "Hold my hand. We are going into the parking lot/crossing the street." If she started to resist I would say "You have to hold my hand in the parking lot to be safe. Please hold my hand." If she continued to resist, I would pick her up and carry her repeating the above information. I would also state that she could walk if she held my hand. (By the way...did you know it is VERY hard to carry a 20 lbs baby, a crying 23 lbs toddler and bags at the same time?!?!). Gratefully, she now reaches for my hand automatically...most of the time.

Father's Way
Wayne was out walking on a sidewalk with Olivia...and she wanted to continue to walk out onto the road. So Wayne got down to her level, pointed to some cars passing and said, "See those cars Olivia? If you go out there, one of them will hit you" (he then gently hit/pushed her) and said "and it will hurt!" A nice fatherly hands on demonstration.

Well, yesterday we were in a Walmart parking lot. I was carrying Pamela and Wayne had Olivia walking with him. Naturally he asked her to hold his hand, but she resisted (she was waaaaayyy overtired!) and so Wayne eventually had to pick her up. Olivia was crying and then looked at Wayne, hit her chest repeatedly and said "car...hurt...hurt". There was no doubt she was talking about Daddy's Lesson a few weeks ago. I wonder if the fear in her eyes was a good thing...or a bad thing?


Are our methods different? Yes. Are they both effective? I think so. Are they both developmentally appropriate? I'll let you be the judge of that one.

Cheap Entertainment

Today is Friday and Wayne is home. Sometimes when he is home I just pretend I'm not here and let him manage all of the kid stuff going on. This morning has been particularly entertaining.

This morning Olivia got up a little early and kept coming into our room...and asking Wayne to do stuff. You know...like eating breakfast, changing her diaper, and getting dressed. By the third interruption as he climbed back into bed he made some comment about me getting up. I just grinned, laughed and said, "I'm sorry...I've been getting up 2-3 times in the middle of the night for 2 years and am confident you can handle this."

Later as we were downstairs, and the older girls had left for school Olivia wanted her coat and boots on and wanted Wayne to go outside. Of course he was still in his pajamas so that wasn't an option...so naturally he was trying to coerce her into the backyard where she could be on her own. No such luck. As she was getting frustrated, and he was getting frustrated....I just started laughing. I probably shouldn't have...but I did. It was such great entertainment to observe him handle the situation I deal with every...single...day. And what a joy it was for me to not be the one being dragged around and constantly being asked to do something!

I think I am going to really enjoy today.

Popcorn? Who Knew?!?!

I sometimes struggle to know what to give my kids for an after school snack. When I have lots of groceries in the house, and I instruct the girls "something healthy" it is very easy for them to choose. However...I don't always have an abundance of fruit, or yoghurt, or crackers.

The other day I was talking with a friend, whose children are my age, and we got talking about how she grew up in a family with 10 children and VERY LITTLE money. She was marveling at how her mother fed them all so well and she happened to mention that her mom would always have an after school snack for them, and often it was popcorn.

It was like an epiphany! My kids LOVE popcorn! Popcorn is healthy! (Air popped that is.) A little goes a long way! And we ALWAYS have popcorn in the house! The perfect solution to those less than abundant grocery days!

So yesterday, when my girls came home from school, and asked for a snack, and I said they could make some popcorn....they just about PEED their pants in excitement!

Boy, it sure felt good to be the best mom in the world.