When we think of traditions, we most often think of holiday traditions. Even more specifically, Christmas traditions. Christmas can be such a special time, especially for children, if you have traditions that you do each year. My girls eagerly anticipate the new ornament they will get the night we decorate the tree...or the dinner by candle light on Christmas Eve...or the Christmas stories we read each night in December. However, have you thought about how enriching monthly or weekly traditions can be in your family?
Every Friday night is Movie/Pizza night in our home. Wayne and I make delicious homemade pizza's (thank you Panagopolous Pizza for teaching my hubby how to throw dough), we drink chocolate milk (thank you Inalee for this idea), and watch a movie as a family. We didn't necessarily plan this tradition...it just kind of happened. We did it a few weeks in a row, and then we noticed the girls looking forward to it and planning for it. Next thing we knew, Friday night had a name (Movie/Pizza Night), and we all look forward to relaxing together as a family and enjoying a show.
We also have a weekly tradition called Family Home Evening. Every Monday night we gather as a family and have a family devotional which includes song, prayer, a lesson, an activity, and a treat. We all take turns with different responsibilities each week and I love that the girls look forward to this on Mondays. In fact, they are usually the ones to make sure everyone knows their responsibilities and are ready for that evening. It is such a great opportunity for us to come together as a family, have a gospel oriented discussion, and to have fun together.
I love that we have two evenings a week where we routinely gather as a family and spend time together. We all have come to know, expect and love these weekly traditions, and I believe it has made our family a stronger unit.
Do you have any family traditions you love that you grew up with or that you implement in your family? I'd love to hear them!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Word "Don't"
Have you ever told your child "Don't spill that" and a moment later they spill it? Or you say "Don't go on the street" and they instantly take a step onto the road? Or you say "Don't drop that" and your child lets go of the item?
One of the greatest tips I received from my Mother-in-Law, before I even had kids, was to avoid using the word "don't" when talking to children. And the reason is, children can't hear the word don't. They just hear whatever you say AFTER the word "don't". So in reality, if you've ever said the above sentences, your children actually heard you say "Spill that", "Go on the street", and "Drop that." And if that is the case, they were actually obeying you!
Before I had children of my own, I had the opportunity to work with a 4 year old autistic child in his home. One day his parents sent us out to get Slurpee's at a convenience store about 4 blocks away. After I handed this boy his Slurpee I said "Don't drop it"...and guess what he did?! He immediately let go of the cup. Luckily he had the straw in his mouth and had it supported against his chest so it didn't drop. I grabbed the cup, thought for a moment and then said "Here, hang on tight." And would you believe it?! He carried his own Slurpee the rest of the way home with no problems. I actually didn't think much of it until we walked into his house, and his mom saw him holding his own Slurpee, and commented "How did you do that?! He's never been able to carry his own Slurpee home." That was the first time I really understood the importance of the advice to avoid using the word "don't".
Now that I have 5 children of my own, I strive to follow this. It is not easy and I often find myself saying "don't do that!"...but am also usually able to catch myself and instantly follow with a positive direction, "Leave that alone."
So just for fun...here are some examples of "don't" sentences and alternate statements:
"Don't touch that" = "Keep your hands off"
"Don't go on the road" = "Stay on the sidewalk"
"Don't hit" = "Be gentle" or "Keep hands to yourself"
"Don't yell" = "Speak softly/nicely"
"Don't play with that" = "Leave that alone"
"Don't run" = "Please walk"
"Don't pick your nose" = "Keep your fingers out of your nose"
Have you ever had a frustrating "don't" experience or have any thoughts on this subject? I hope you'll share it!
One of the greatest tips I received from my Mother-in-Law, before I even had kids, was to avoid using the word "don't" when talking to children. And the reason is, children can't hear the word don't. They just hear whatever you say AFTER the word "don't". So in reality, if you've ever said the above sentences, your children actually heard you say "Spill that", "Go on the street", and "Drop that." And if that is the case, they were actually obeying you!
Before I had children of my own, I had the opportunity to work with a 4 year old autistic child in his home. One day his parents sent us out to get Slurpee's at a convenience store about 4 blocks away. After I handed this boy his Slurpee I said "Don't drop it"...and guess what he did?! He immediately let go of the cup. Luckily he had the straw in his mouth and had it supported against his chest so it didn't drop. I grabbed the cup, thought for a moment and then said "Here, hang on tight." And would you believe it?! He carried his own Slurpee the rest of the way home with no problems. I actually didn't think much of it until we walked into his house, and his mom saw him holding his own Slurpee, and commented "How did you do that?! He's never been able to carry his own Slurpee home." That was the first time I really understood the importance of the advice to avoid using the word "don't".
Now that I have 5 children of my own, I strive to follow this. It is not easy and I often find myself saying "don't do that!"...but am also usually able to catch myself and instantly follow with a positive direction, "Leave that alone."
So just for fun...here are some examples of "don't" sentences and alternate statements:
"Don't touch that" = "Keep your hands off"
"Don't go on the road" = "Stay on the sidewalk"
"Don't hit" = "Be gentle" or "Keep hands to yourself"
"Don't yell" = "Speak softly/nicely"
"Don't play with that" = "Leave that alone"
"Don't run" = "Please walk"
"Don't pick your nose" = "Keep your fingers out of your nose"
Have you ever had a frustrating "don't" experience or have any thoughts on this subject? I hope you'll share it!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Mother/Daughter Journal
A few months ago I read about a GREAT idea. As soon as I read it I felt very strongly that I needed to implement it in my home. The idea was to buy a notebook/journal for each child for the purpose of writing notes back and forth to each other. It could be a place for a parent to write an encouraging note, or to thank the child for something they did, or even to write something fun like "Check under your pillow for a surprise." One of the reasons I felt so strongly I wanted to do this is because I have a daughter who has a difficult time telling me about problems she is facing. I wanted to start this so she would have another means of telling me about things she is struggling with if needed.
Wow! Am I ever glad I did!
A few days ago I got the sense that something was bothering this particular daughter. I asked her if something was wrong. She said no. I asked if something was on her mind or if something bad happened. She said no. I attempted one more time by saying I got the feeling something was on her mind and encouraged her to tell me. Again she said no. So I dropped it. The next day, this was written in her journal for me. "Dear Mom, Remember last night when you asked me if anything was bothering me? I lied when I said no." She then told me the issue and continued to write, "Can you help me with this problem? I'd like to talk about it in person. Thanks."
After reading that, I had one of those moments where I realized the importance of listening to those spiritual impressions we receive as parents, and especially as mothers. Often we may not recognize our thoughts or ideas as impressions from a higher source, but I believe so many of them are! I also have examples of not listening to strong impressions and paying the price later, but for today, I am so grateful I heard, listened to, and obeyed the impression about mother/daughter journals.
Wow! Am I ever glad I did!
A few days ago I got the sense that something was bothering this particular daughter. I asked her if something was wrong. She said no. I asked if something was on her mind or if something bad happened. She said no. I attempted one more time by saying I got the feeling something was on her mind and encouraged her to tell me. Again she said no. So I dropped it. The next day, this was written in her journal for me. "Dear Mom, Remember last night when you asked me if anything was bothering me? I lied when I said no." She then told me the issue and continued to write, "Can you help me with this problem? I'd like to talk about it in person. Thanks."
After reading that, I had one of those moments where I realized the importance of listening to those spiritual impressions we receive as parents, and especially as mothers. Often we may not recognize our thoughts or ideas as impressions from a higher source, but I believe so many of them are! I also have examples of not listening to strong impressions and paying the price later, but for today, I am so grateful I heard, listened to, and obeyed the impression about mother/daughter journals.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
New Year's Resolutions
Ah yes...with January comes the very popular topic of New Year's Resolutions. What emotions do you have when you hear this phrase? Excitement? Dread? Cynicism? I figure there are 3 different types of people when it comes to New Year's Resolutions:
#1. Those who get really excited, set a whole bunch of goals, and fail to accomplish any of them.
#2. Those who WERE in the #1 category, then became cynical because they never truly accomplished anything, and now resolve to never make resolutions.
#3. Those who know themselves, know where they are going, know their limitations, set realistic goals, and then work consistently to accomplish them.
I would like to think that I am #3. And since this is my blog, I can say whatever I want! I love September and January because of the excitement of something new whether it be the kids going back to school and the start of new routines, or the natural inclination to review the last year and feel excited about making changes. I have found that the last couple of years my resolutions have been focused around my family and what would make us a stronger unit. Last New Year's I was feeling overwhelmed with having a baby and being pregnant and sick again, and so I only set one goal. That was to read scriptures daily as a family. This was a habit we had previously failed at establishing. I wanted to facilitate success so I made sure each person had their own inexpensive set of scriptures to keep in the living room to use each day and I also made a chart so we could mark our progress. Did we complete this goal 100%? No. But we did about 60% and that is 60% better than any previous year! Am I thrilled about that? You bet I am!
And what about this year? Well...I do have a baby and a toddler, so I know I am somewhat limited in what I can actually do, however I feel prepared to embark on two more habits that Wayne and I have wanted to do but have not been successful in implementing.
#1 - Monthly interviews with each daughter. This is when either Wayne or I will have a one on one visit with a child and talk about school, life, projects, problems, goals, etc. Now that our oldest is a preteen, I am recognizing the importance of establishing communication habits that will carry into future teen years.
#2 - Monthly dates with each daughter. Similar to #1, monthly dates will allow Wayne and I to foster closer relationships with each daughter, doing something fun that they really enjoy.
And to help me stay on track, I have made little charts to help me keep track of when we do these each month, or to remind me to schedule time!
As a stay at home mom, I find it can be so easy to get stuck in all the mundane tasks of the day. I forget to look ahead and ensure I am doing today what I need to do, to ensure I create the family I want tomorrow. Having these consistent monthly goals helps me to stay on track and ensure Wayne and I are building the close relationships we desire with our daughters, one step at a time.
What family or parenting goals have you set for 2011?
#1. Those who get really excited, set a whole bunch of goals, and fail to accomplish any of them.
#2. Those who WERE in the #1 category, then became cynical because they never truly accomplished anything, and now resolve to never make resolutions.
#3. Those who know themselves, know where they are going, know their limitations, set realistic goals, and then work consistently to accomplish them.
I would like to think that I am #3. And since this is my blog, I can say whatever I want! I love September and January because of the excitement of something new whether it be the kids going back to school and the start of new routines, or the natural inclination to review the last year and feel excited about making changes. I have found that the last couple of years my resolutions have been focused around my family and what would make us a stronger unit. Last New Year's I was feeling overwhelmed with having a baby and being pregnant and sick again, and so I only set one goal. That was to read scriptures daily as a family. This was a habit we had previously failed at establishing. I wanted to facilitate success so I made sure each person had their own inexpensive set of scriptures to keep in the living room to use each day and I also made a chart so we could mark our progress. Did we complete this goal 100%? No. But we did about 60% and that is 60% better than any previous year! Am I thrilled about that? You bet I am!
And what about this year? Well...I do have a baby and a toddler, so I know I am somewhat limited in what I can actually do, however I feel prepared to embark on two more habits that Wayne and I have wanted to do but have not been successful in implementing.
#1 - Monthly interviews with each daughter. This is when either Wayne or I will have a one on one visit with a child and talk about school, life, projects, problems, goals, etc. Now that our oldest is a preteen, I am recognizing the importance of establishing communication habits that will carry into future teen years.
#2 - Monthly dates with each daughter. Similar to #1, monthly dates will allow Wayne and I to foster closer relationships with each daughter, doing something fun that they really enjoy.
And to help me stay on track, I have made little charts to help me keep track of when we do these each month, or to remind me to schedule time!
As a stay at home mom, I find it can be so easy to get stuck in all the mundane tasks of the day. I forget to look ahead and ensure I am doing today what I need to do, to ensure I create the family I want tomorrow. Having these consistent monthly goals helps me to stay on track and ensure Wayne and I are building the close relationships we desire with our daughters, one step at a time.
What family or parenting goals have you set for 2011?
Monday, January 3, 2011
A Blog is Born
A few days ago I was watching a Daily Talk Show (which I had never watched before) and they were having a "Family Day" where they feature tips on various aspects of raising kids. Of course I stayed on the channel to glean what interesting ideas they could give me. The topic they were just starting was regarding table manners and how as parents we often forget that it is our duty to teach our children table manners. I admit, this is NOT a strong area for me. I don't think I've raised animals at the table...but I do recognize I have not spent time teaching manners. And admittedly, when the featured guest talked about how distressing it is for her when she sees people cutting food with a fork instead of a knife, I thought "oops".
But that is beside the point. When the guest first started talking about young kids at the table, the host said "When can we expect children to sit at the table? Because for the first couple of years you are chasing them around trying to get them to eat" as she imitated chasing a child with a bowl in her hand and trying to feed them.
Huh?
Seriously?
People actually do that?
Oh wait! They do and I got to witness it! One day while living in Toronto, when Laura was a toddler, I took her to the park. I was completely astounded when I witnessed a grandmother bring her granddaughter to the park...who was at least 3 years old...and proceed to follow her around with a bowl of oatmeal, and feed her while she played. Yes, you read that correctly. The parent figure followed the child around feeding her OATMEAL as she played on the playground.
This entire scenario has been going through my head for days now...and I just had to tell SOMEBODY...and as a result...this blog was born! And now you are stuck reading the meanderings of my mind and the advice that follows. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
So...do I think it is possible for very young children to sit at a table? Yes...yes I do! It's called a high chair! Ha ha ha. After the high chair...a booster seat with straps! And after that...parental expectation. And one final note: Do I think a child needs to stay at the table the entire time the parents are at the table? No. But I do think they need to stay until they are done. Unless of course they have to go to the bathroom.
But that is beside the point. When the guest first started talking about young kids at the table, the host said "When can we expect children to sit at the table? Because for the first couple of years you are chasing them around trying to get them to eat" as she imitated chasing a child with a bowl in her hand and trying to feed them.
Huh?
Seriously?
People actually do that?
Oh wait! They do and I got to witness it! One day while living in Toronto, when Laura was a toddler, I took her to the park. I was completely astounded when I witnessed a grandmother bring her granddaughter to the park...who was at least 3 years old...and proceed to follow her around with a bowl of oatmeal, and feed her while she played. Yes, you read that correctly. The parent figure followed the child around feeding her OATMEAL as she played on the playground.
This entire scenario has been going through my head for days now...and I just had to tell SOMEBODY...and as a result...this blog was born! And now you are stuck reading the meanderings of my mind and the advice that follows. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
So...do I think it is possible for very young children to sit at a table? Yes...yes I do! It's called a high chair! Ha ha ha. After the high chair...a booster seat with straps! And after that...parental expectation. And one final note: Do I think a child needs to stay at the table the entire time the parents are at the table? No. But I do think they need to stay until they are done. Unless of course they have to go to the bathroom.
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